Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
