She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
