Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
