Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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