Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
