you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
