no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
