I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Randomize
