Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
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