She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
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Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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