Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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