Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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