He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
My pussy is not your playground.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
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