Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
