But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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