This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
