I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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