Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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