His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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