do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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