Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
