Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
