hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
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