He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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