Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
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