Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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