the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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