all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
