I am in a vortex of obligation.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
His hands were made for my vagina.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Randomize
