He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Randomize
