HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
