I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
