Cold hands, warm shart.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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