I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
