Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
