hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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