I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize