I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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