I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
