I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
