a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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