also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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