Swine flu. Run for my life!
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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