please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
