Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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