I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
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