On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
