why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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