I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
