i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
