Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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