I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
