Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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