John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
