I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
