All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
