Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
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