look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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