You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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