they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
