Plan B is the new Plan A
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
