There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
