Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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